There’s something amazing about huge, unwieldy movie franchises. Series that go north of five or six installments have staying power, even if they abandon all pretense of having “canon,” story continuity, or logic. Each has a certain something that helps it stand out and sustain so many films over so many years.

In the spirit of the season, we’re going back and taking a look at the ridiculously strong Halloween franchise that survived 11 movies, 40 years, 5 reboots/separate timelines, and more “dead” Michael Myerseses than you can count.

I’m joined by Shiri Sondheimer to watch all 11 films in the franchise. Neither of us has seen them before, and we watch together and comment on the film in a private Slack channel.

For the curious, our reactions to the first five installments in the franchise are here. What follows is a lightly edited transcript of our conversation while watching Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers from 1995. It took them six movies, but they finally dispensed with the numbering system with this one. Technically, this isn’t Halloween 6. But it is. But it’s not.

Halloween 5 ended on a cliffhanger and a mysterious “man in black.” So will The Curse of Michael Myers answer our many questions? Will it provide a satisfying conclusion to this trilogy? As the last film of this timeline, will it leave us contented and happy? Will Michael finally die for realsies?

Hang tight as we dive in…

Jamie: Oh no. Miramax. I’m already scared.

Shiri: Ooooh. Mirimax is their distributor this time. That means it’s ARTY.

Jamie: We begin with a screaming quick-cut montage. And for some reason, Donald Pleasence still gets top billing. Also, I see that they’ve given up on numbering these. This isn’t technically Halloween 6.

Shiri: That doctor is drunk, and that doctor is drunk, and thank doctor is drunk. And that Satanist is DEFINITELY drunk.

Jamie: We’re in a dusty dungeon that’s not at all clean. Why are these doctors wearing scrubs and masks?

Shiri: Okay, no one told me there would be an Egyptian burial chamber I could give birth in. See, all this time, they kept all the patients in that ONE hallway when they had MILES of creepy Satanist chambers. RUDE. The babies would have been so much better down there.

Jamie: Is that Jamie?

Shiri: According to the synopsis I read, yes, that is Jamie. Wanna know who the baby daddy is?

Jamie: Gotta be Michael.

Shiri: A-YUP.

Jamie: This long, lingering shot of baby penis is disturbing me.

Shiri: I love how in TB and movies, newborns are like SIX months old. Also, point of order. Jamie was 9 in the last one. So she’s . . . FIFTEEN now.

Jamie: This is 6 years later? Did I miss that?

Shiri: Well, the last one was ’89, right? I’m impressed, The very thoughtful satanists put compression stockings on her.

Jamie: Death 1 and another long stare at the body hanging from the wall. That’s, like, Michael’s thing isn’t it?

Shiri: YES! It’s been like, five movies since we had a good sploosh this early. That was, at least, a decent-sized spike. Another drunken redneck saves the day.

Jamie: I don’t think he’s going to save the day. See? Death 2 – headless drunken redneck. Wait. Hold up. Strode Realty? Which Strode is now a realtor?

Shiri: I was just going to ask if there were any Strodes left. Since the very informative Paul Rudd voiceover was very clear that Michael killed the entire family with the exception of Jamie.

Jamie: That kid is totally a liar. Michael doesn’t “say bad things.” He’s never spoken a word.

Shiri: We never did find out who Steeltoe was. OH MY GOD. THEY FINALLY BANNED HALLOWEEN.

Jamie: Mom is stripping down. Oh god, she’s gonna be so dead.

Shiri: I dunno . . . her boobs are small and probably real.

Jamie: Oh man, Paul Rudd is a peeping tom. Seems appropriate.

Shiri: Believably crazy.

Jamie: Paul Rudd is the killer. This movie is at least marginally believable with how the conspiracy theories have taken over and a cult of personality has developed around Michael. That would absolutely happen.

Shiri: Did he . . . did Loomis just break the fourth wall?

Jamie: Oh yeah. I think it’s more like, he just announced to the audience that he’s retired . . . but cannot believe he’s been conned into being in this movie. So, Hallloween is banned and Loomis is retired. Probably kicked out of the profession. They must’ve been listening to all of our complaints.

Shiri: Awfully nice house for a retired psychiatrist who stood around for a living.

Jamie: That bus station is definitely closed. Why are the doors unlocked? Oh, there’s a “back in 20” sign. The attendant is probably boning.

Shiri: She . . . has a truck. Why did she stop at the bus depot? Oh. Phone. Okay.

Jamie: Who is this guy? “Old friends” with Loomis?

Shiri: He was still practicing medicine? That’s terrifying. Paul Rudd has aged about six months since this movie

Jamie: Haha. He looks exactly the same.

Shiri: Clearly, he is the immortal serial killer. Michael’s been killing so long he needs orthopedic shoes. OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LADIES ROOM! I KNOW YOU’RE A PSYCHOPATH, but there’s a limit. I totally thought her butt was going to be stuck in the window.

Jamie: That must be in the director’s cut.

Shiri: Well, the good news is, the baby loose on the seat his now been crushed against the dashboard and internally decapitated.

Jamie: She just crashed into a farm. Where ‘s the baby? That’s a pickup truck with no car seat. And now she’s stumbling around the pumpkin patch. And didn’t even check on her baby?

Shiri: Maybe she left the baby halfway out of a window.

Jamie: Why . . . why is she going inside the barn?

Shiri: I think that’s the same barn as the last movie.

Jamie: Tina? Tina are you here?

Shiri: I was really looking forward to some post-birth nookie with Chad or Brad or whatever. Oh. That was an AWESOME sploosh.

Jamie: Whoa. Jamie is HARD to kill. She required THREE splooshes! But, Death 3. Jamie Lloyd is in the history books. Oooooh . . . tricky. “Baby” was just a roll of paper towels.

Shiri: The OLE swap the baby for a blanket trick. That guy’s name is DEFINITELY Biff. Biff should have put on pants before he went chopping. Wait wait wait. Didn’t they say Halloween was cancelled?

Jamie: And apparently Strode Realty was just a practical joke?

Shiri: A of all, who uncancelled it? And B of all, if it was UNCANCELLED, how did they make costumes that fast?

Jamie: Barry kicks ass. Who’s Barry?

Shiri: Wow. Biff is a dick.

Jamie: Who is this woman? Biff is going to die a horrible death.

Shiri: We can only hope. See, this kid? He’s justified in picking up a knife at 6. I’d gut that fucker too.

Jamie: I’m confused. Who are these people?

Shiri: Also, his name is Danny. We’ve franchise jumped again.

Jamie: Those are Laurie’s parents?? These are the Strodes?

Shiri: Did she have a brother?

Jamie: Man, this family is like the Weasleys. Every movie they find another one.

Shiri: Is that the nurse from the first one? Is Tim the woman’s younger brother? That seems like it’s a pretty huge age gap.

Jamie: Dude, I don’t even know. I legit have no idea who that family is.

Shiri: Paul Rudd is REALLY good at the crazy eyes.

Jamie: Nobody noticed the trail of blood through the bus station?

Shiri: I mean . . . this is a bus station. I don’t think blood on the floor can really be considered to be a “clue” as such.

Jamie: Did he just lick the blood off his fingers?

Shiri: Not as gross as licking Bud.

Jamie: Truth.

Shiri: Also, that bathroom is actually pretty clean for a bus station. I’m surprised there was only ONE baby if we’re being honest.

Jamie: So, they discovered Jamie’s body last night. But are only now just getting around to cleaning up her body? And since when does Michael have a “mark”?

Shiri: It’s a Viking rune that means “thorn.” I looked it up after 5.

Jamie: That mark was in 5? How did I miss it?

Shiri: A bunch of people had it tattooed on their wrists and arms. Did Tim . . . did Tim just do a Beavis and Butthead?

Jamie: “Nurse. There’s a problem with my baby. Can I see a doctor?” Nurse: “Security!” That’s . . . not how it’s supposed to go.

Shiri: Oh! I FORGOT Laurie was adopted. So those are her adopted parents? And her adopted siblings? Who are like . . . 20 years younger than her? Okay. So there are STRODES left. There aren’t any Myers left. Also, my grandfather totally had that bamboo screen.

Jamie: It really shouldn’t have taken us both this long to figure that out.

Shiri: I honestly forgot that wasn’t Laurie’s original last name. Who am I? I’m the bizarre retired psychiatrist who walked into your house without announcing myself and for FUCK’S SAKE WILL SOMEONE PLEASE FEED THAT BABY?? That sploosh was the baby biting into his neck and sucking his blood.

Jamie: THAT would be an awesome twist. Oh man, here we go again, Loomis. “Pure evil.”

Shiri: Aw man. Another pumpkin dead for no good reason.

Jamie: Are the Strodes living in the Myers’s house?

Shiri: I THINK they are. I feel like I read that in the synopsis.

Jamie: That was really not a wise real estate purchase.

Shiri: Fixer-upper too. Man, they put THAT much money into a shithole, and it looks like that? WHO DOESN’T KNOW? Like, seriously. Who doesn’t know what happened in that house? Everyone fucking knows, Deborah.

Jamie: Nobody. That’s who.

Shiri: I see Michael is back to being a fastidious killer. Or a very helpful guest.

Jamie: I’ll bet she left all the knives just lying around.

Shiri: I mean, where else would you put them? Away? That would be foolish. Hey, she actually ran OUTSIDE. Instead of into a closet. Or the basement. Or somewhere without a door.

Jamie: Death….3? Mama Strode all over the laundry.

Shiri: Wasn’t Jamie 3 I think Mama Strode is 4.

Jamie: Yeah, you’re right.

Shiri: I’m confused as to exactly how old this Strode is supposed to be.

Jamie: I guess this is supposed to be the sister. Who was apparently much younger than Laurie.

Shiri: But is also 15 years older than her brother.

Jamie: Yep. Fastidious killer Michael is back. Not a drop of blood anywhere.

Shiri: So fastidious. I like that in my serial killers.

Jamie: Who doesn’t? And why did the abused mom die before the asshole dad? That doesn’t seem fair.

Shiri: And why is she yelling for the kid who should, hypothetically, be at school? I mean, I can believe her mom never leaving the house.

Jamie: Old school Gameboy. Nice!

Shiri: Paul Rudd was already TWENTY-SEVEN in this movie. Here, you have boobs, can you take care of this screaming kid?

Jamie: Hey Mom! Michael Myers is in the yard staring at me!

Shiri: YOU KNOW, THAT GUY THE WEIRDO JUST TOLD US WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR.

Jamie: Damn, he’s quick as lightning. WHY DOES PAUL RUDD JUST RANDOMLY HAVE A BABY BOTTLE IN HIS APARTMENT?

Shiri: You know what my biggest suspension of disbelief in this movie is? That a single man in his 20s would know how to take care of a baby.

Jamie: Hey, Thorn! You were right!

Shiri: SCORE ONE FOR THE WEIRDO with the Viking obsession. How does a constellation only appear SOMETIMES?

Jamie: Y’know. Stars are weird. WHO EVEN KNOWS HOW THEY WORK?

Shiri: Can we talk about the number of final sacrifices Michael has had. Also, does he mean Loomis? Who would actually think Loomis could stop Michael at this point? He’s almost died like, 17 times, and Michael keeps escaping.

Jamie: We’ve gotten this “Do you know why we celebrate Halloween?” speech in every goddamn movie. And it’s been a different explanation in each one.

Shiri: Minus the boogeyman, this one is actually the most correct.

Jamie: What 11-year-old doesn’t know what the boogeyman is? OK, shadow of Michael outside through the curtains was pretty nice.

Shiri: Occam’s razor people. Like, why do we assume that a voice is evil druids? YES!
Biff is about to get SLAUGHTERED. SPLOOSHILY.

Jamie: Are we supposed to assume that Steeltoe from the end of 5 was one of the Satanists in this movie? Or do we just forget about that?

Shiri: I still think Steeltoe is Laurie.

Jamie: Why would Laurie break Michael out of prison, though?

Shiri: So she could kill him? Look, why does it have to make sense? We didn’t even know who these people were until half an hour in.

Jamie: Oh god. It’s his wife’s head in the washing machine, isn’t it?

Shiri: She really should have gotten to watch him die.

Jamie: I like that we’re actually getting a behind-the-scenes glimpse of how Michael cleans up after himself, though. Here he is doing the laundry.

Shiri: That was way too quick. He should have gotten peeled and turned into bees.

Jamie: That was a combo of Super Scalpel from II and Bucky from….4? Oh man, he fucking exploded!!

Shiri: There should have been bees in there. Or crickets.

Jamie: Is that dude with the stache Robert Carlyle?

Shiri: Poor Tim.

Jamie: How the fuck does this family not know where they live?

Shiri: SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY. HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW, TIM? SO SPLOOSHY. Wow, I think this one already has a higher body count than the last two.

Jamie: The entire town of Haddonfield was playing a joke on this family. Death 6 – Robert Carlyle, because he called Michael a pussy.

Shiri: Seven and eight, coming up.

Jamie: They’re totally gonna bone. Kissing = death. How do they not know this?

Shiri: That kid is a fucking idiot.

Jamie: Oh man.”It’s raining. Red rain. It’s warm.” What a fucking imbecile. And yes, I’m talking about the writer of this movie.

Shiri: No shirt. No pants. Murder time. Why would you want to do it in your sister’s bed? Ew.

Jamie: WHO LIGHTS ALL THOSE CANDLES BEFORE BONING IN YOUR SISTER’S ROOM? WHO COULD, CONCEIVABLY, COME HOME AT ANY MOMENT.

Shiri: Boobs. She’s dead. Real boobs though. It’s a toss up.

Jamie: Those are real boobs. She might live.

Shiri: Tim’s going to die though. He took off his pants. SEE!

Jamie: Death 7 – splooshy. Why are there so many goddamn candles everywhere?

Shiri: That was so splooshy she could hear it across the street.

Jamie: Death 8 – natural boobs bites it.

Shiri: Why close the door? Why would you not leave that door open? She is so dying on that fireplace poker.

Jamie: See? This woman’s smart. Get a weapon. My money’s on this woman making it.  Paul Rudd will sacrifice himself for her in the end. I still don’t know her name, though. Carol? Karen?

Shiri: Cara? “Maybe if I don’t look at the dead bodies, they’ll go away.” I still want to know who Barry is.

Jamie: Michael is now so cocky, he’s just kind of sauntering through the house. He’s not even stalking anymore. He’s just casually strolling.

Shiri: I mean, you gotta enjoy it, right?

Jamie: STAB HIM! HE’S ON THE GROUND! Stab the fuck out of him!!

Shiri: Isn’t this when Jamie got stabby? When Michael was unconscious? Wicked guitar riff means exciting.

Jamie: I was just gonna ask – what happened to the music? This is very 90s hair metal.

Shiri: Yeah, Loomis. Upstairs always works out really well. Aw man. I’m gonna be really disappointed if Steeltoe is Loomis’s old friend. LAME.

Jamie: Ed Harris!

Jamie: Oof, did NOT see that coming. She just threw herself out the window?

Shiri: When? When did they get drugged? Aw man, I HATE it when I wake up face down in a creepy prison cell.

Jamie: I . . . guess she’s ok? I mean, she’s alive. She’s probably not “ok.” And her ankle suddenly healed?

Shiri: True, but she’s not wearing pants now, so. How many sanitariums does this town have?

Jamie: It’s the same one. Smith’s Grove.

Shiri: I feel like someone would have revoked Loomis’s carry permit by now. Purely because he’s a terrible shot.

Jamie: Oh, I doubt he’s got a permit.

Shiri: He said in the first one he did. He asked the sheriff if he wanted to see it.

Jamie: That was, like, 15 years ago. It’s totally lapsed by now.

Shiri: Fair. Unlocked doors. Unlocked gates. DEFINITELY NOT A TRAP.

Jamie: Kara. Her name is Kara. Why has it taken us most of the movie to figure that out? She’s the main character.

Shiri: Does . . . does this hospital still have PATIENTS? I think I’m supposed to be scared, but I am laughing my ass off.

Jamie: Michael’s like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT RACKET IN THE HALLWAY??”

Shiri: “I need my beauty sleep, assholes. I told you not to bash things with fire extinguishers until AFTER 9 am!”

Jamie: Shotgun to the chest. Point blank. No way is he dead.

Shiri: Hahahaha. I like the Satanists having a bureaucratic conversation. Those tools are NOT sterile. They had autoclaves in the 90s, people. Gross.

Jamie: All of Haddonfield needs to be put in an autoclave. See? Michael’s just sauntering at this point. He’s not even scary.

Shiri: It’s so much easier to have the Satanists do the work for you. Gives you much more time to be fastidious.

Jamie: Michael just follows the Satanists around with baby wipes and Clorox.

Shiri: Did you know they used machetes in surgery? Because I did not know that. Huh. He is apparently not a fan of the Satanists either.

Jamie: OK, there’s no way I can keep count with all these Satanist deaths. There were like 10 people in there.

Shiri: We’ve got to be pushing 20 at this point.

Jamie: Running Michael Myers is about as believable as a running zombie.

Shiri: At least they’ve learned to close doors and gates behind them. I mean, it isn’t going to stop him, but it’s a reasonable deterrent. Well, shit. They were doing so well.
But now they’ve gone and locked themselves in a room they can’t get out of.

Jamie: That worked for Laurie, though. Twice.

Shiri: I mean, he got up from a shotgun blast to the chest but, by all means, hit him with a pipe.

Jamie: There’s not even a hole in his overalls. Maybe the shotgun fired blanks?

Shiri: Come on, Michael. You’re usually the smartest one in the joint. Ugh, because when has any baby in ANY movie stayed quiet when you needed them to? Please tell me they’re going full RoboCop, and he’s going to fall into that vat of hazardous waste and then someone is going to drive through him. We were so close last time. Did . . . did they give the baby to the psychotic child? Oh no, not Loomis. He was doing so well. Jesus, someone finally went back for the doubletap

Jamie: Was Michael bleeding the yellow egg yolk from III??? Is he an android? Because that would make so much more sense.

Shiri: We can only hope.

Jamie: Ooh, he took off his mask!

Shiri: SHOCKED! I AM SHOCKED HE IS NOT DEAD, JAMIE! That was HILARIOUS.

Jamie: Kind of an ignominious end for Donald Pleasence.

Shiri: It looks like he actually died, though? So maybe they had more planned?

Jamie: Pleasence? Yeah, he died during filming. Which is why he died off screen.

Shiri: This very grunge credits music is also hilarious. Is this Pearl Jam?

Jamie: This is a Pearl Jam cover band, I’m pretty sure.

Shiri: It was hard to tell in ’96.

Jamie: Oh, credits say it’s Brother Cane. Classic. OK, this movie is so very not good. It’s absolutely in last place of the 6 so far. No contest. Honestly, I can’t believe I paid $3 to rent this. Haha.

Shiri: I dunno. It was 10/10 the splooshiest.

Jamie: Oh, by FAR the splooshiest. But this is now the end of this timeline. H20 erases everything except I and II.

Shiri: I think I can live with that.

Jamie: I just realized there weren’t ANY cops in this one, were there?

Shiri: Nope. And that one dude who bought it at the beginning definitely does not constitute a posse. It’s anarchy in Haddonfield.

Jamie: The more I think about this, the more questions I have. Literally nothing was explained. Who were the Satanists? What were they hoping to do with the baby? Did Jamie have sex with Michael, or did he  impregnate her somehow else? Like, through dark magic? HOW could the Strodes not have known whose house they lived in? They were living in Haddonfield in 77 when Laurie was attacked, and the house was WELL KNOWN then.

Shiri: The Satanists were confusing. Like, the head dude told them they could take off the robes in that little conference they had. “Halloween’s over. Ha. Ha.” Was it for MICHAEL? Like, is he actually some sort of weird psychiatric experiment?

Jamie: Why did Loomis stay behind at the end? Was he hoping to confront Michael? Was it suicide?

Shiri: Maybe it’s been Loomis the whole time. Busting him out and shit?

Jamie: Ooh, there’s a theory!

Shiri: i mean, Michael did slaughter all the Satanists. So they wanted the BABY, but he wasn’t happy with them.

Jamie: They never explained WHAT they were trying to do to the baby, though. What was surgery going to accomplish? I just have so many questions. This one was so very not good. But points for Paul Rudd!