There’s something amazing about huge, unwieldy movie franchises. Series that go north of five or six installments have staying power, even if they abandon all pretense of having “canon,” story continuity, or logic. Each has a certain something that helps it stand out and sustain so many films over so many years.

In the spirit of the season, we’re going back and taking a look at the ridiculously strong Halloween franchise that survived 11 movies, 40 years, 5 reboots/separate timelines, and more “dead” Michael Myerseses than you can count.

I’m joined by Shiri Sondheimer to watch all 11 films in the franchise. Neither of us has seen them before, and we watch together and comment on the film in a private Slack channel.

For the curious, our reactions to the first seven installments in the franchise are here. What follows is a lightly edited transcript of our conversation while watching Halloween: Resurrection from 2002. I’m not gonna lie; this was a tough one to get through. Halloween: H20 is just so good, and this one just fails on practically every level. Oops, spoilers!

Resurrection was the franchise’s death knell, and they went out with Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks. Do I really need to say any more?

Hang tight as we dive in…

Jamie: I’m a little wary about this one. Does Busta Rhymes make everything better? I can’t remember.

Shiri: Lol. I have no idea. Wow, he got top billing. He must.

Jamie: Can’t remember the Busta Rule.

Shiri: Wait. Katee Sackhoff is in this one?

Jamie: Katee Sackhoff!! Every time we don’t get a pumpkin opening, I feel let down.

Shiri: No. I agreed to splooshy serial killings, not creepy dolls.

Jamie: Poor Laurie.

Shiri: So wait. Does this follow H20?

Jamie: Yes, it does. A new sanitarium! Nice recap from the nurses.

Shiri: What would we do without voiceover exposition?

Jamie: D’oh. The ol’ bait and switch. Michael really is the smartest one in all of these movies.

Shiri: I feel that guy’s bad Michael wig means it was incumbent upon her to kill him. Um . . . you don’t give catatonic patients oral medication.

Jamie: Yeah, she didn’t even bother to help her swallow anything . . . a-yup.

Shiri: Also, you do checks. Because that’s why. Laurie ain’t no fool. I’m so glad they have good security on this psychiatric facility. That open chain appears highly reliable.

Jamie: That clown would give me a heart attack in broad daylight.

Shiri: “Willy, I don’t mean to criticize your excellent security guard work, but a patient just escaped for the 14th time in three days.” You know what I always do in a crisis? Stop for Doritos.

Jamie: THAT is an old-school Pepsi machine. What in the world is it doing in 2002?

Shiri: It takes a while to update the vending machines in the tunnels under psychiatric facilities, Jamie.

Jamie: OK, that whole scene made zero sense.

Shiri: See, Michael’s already doing the laundry. So fastidious.

Jamie: Michael’s already doing his laundry, I see. Why? Why would the security guard open the washing machine when he heard someone scream? Why is he so easily distracted?

Shiri: Sweet, there actually IS a head in the washer this time.

Jamie: JUST the head, apparently. Deaths 1 and 2. Useless security guards.

Shiri: And here, we have a another individual who perished due to being filled with red paint instead of blood. It seems we may have an epidemic on our hands. For more on this developing story, lets go to Doctor Oz. The door-to-door knife guys in this town must make a fortune.

Jamie: The breathing. It’s been a while since we’ve heard Michael’s breathing under the mask.

Shiri: “Actually, I DO need another replacement. A serial killer took mine and murdered 15 people with it. I thought about just running it through the dishwasher but, since you’re here . . .”

Jamie: Also – Michael has a fro in this one. I can’t take him seriously.

Shiri: His eyebrows are fabulous though. Someone spent a lot of time on those.

Jamie: But . . . now he combed it? Apparently. Ooh, Laurie’s been busy setting traps.

Shiri: Live-action coyote and roadrunner with added sploosh.

Jamie: What’s with all the talking? Michael isn’t going to respond.

Shiri: “Afraid of you, Laurie? I’m really not, it’s just these perpetually surprised eyebrows someone added to my mask.” I think that’s Bradley Whitford’s head.

Jamie: Oh, good call. Totally is. So, she needs to take off his mask “to be sure.” Of what? Does she actually know what Michael looks like?

Shiri: Oooh. Right in the spine. Ew. What the fuck?

Jamie: Gross. Why kiss him? 100% nast.

Shiri: Isn’t he still her brother in this one?

Jamie: Yeah. So?

Shiri: Excellent point.

Jamie: Ixnay on the issingkay erialsay illerkay. Death 3. Laurie Strode. I’ll pour one out for you.

Shiri: Ooooh. He has a Renfield.

Jamie: Since when does Haddonfield have a university??

Shiri: THAT VERY DELAYED TITLE SEQUENCE WAS VERY DRAMATIC. Someone cloned Loomis. I feel like that was a huge mistake.

Jamie: This girl is apparently a rebel. She drives a Vespa around campus. OMG, is Katee Sackhoff just adorable in everything??

Shiri: The early 2000s were a terrible time for blue eyeshadow.

Jamie: Is that guy cooking those pumpkins? Why are there so many pumpkins in that kitchen?

Shiri: How else would you know it was Halloween, Jamie?

Jamie: Michael Cera!

Shiri: “Thousands of people are going to see my boobs and THAT flowered thong that’s hanging by our door.”

Jamie: Dear god, look at those computers.

Shiri: Stalking people via telnet is NOT chivalrous, friend.

Jamie: This must be the 2000s. We’re talking about email and the information superhighway. WHO WANTS TO BE AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL?? IS IT YOU, AMERICAN PIE GUY?

Shiri: “Haddonfield’s Worst Mass-Murderer.” Wow. The Fonz is back. One of these girls must be “new Tina.”

Jamie: Holy shit. Worst photographer in the world versus glass shattering scream. Would would win? Busta Rhymes talks to himself a lot. Like, a creepy amount of a lot.

Shiri: I feel like someone who could afford those giant diamonds would be able to afford a nicer hotel. What is with the eyebrows in this movie? So far, they’re the real horror.

Jamie: He’s talking to himself again.

Shiri: Sarah is starting at a disadvantage buying a shirt she can’t wear a bra with.

Jamie: These people are making the slutty babysitters look like Oscar winners. Like, did they even have auditions for this movie? Or did they just grab people off the street and shove a script into their hands?

Shiri: If I were young John Barrowman, I would definitely take “man” lessons from the smarmy blonde dude. How has the old Myers place not fallen down?

Jamie: Again, why is the Myers house still standing? I NEED Tyra’s dying line to be a blood-choked, “cough cough….do you….gah….do you wanna…..be…..on……top?”

Shiri: I wonder if Tyra’s boobs will move when she gets murdered. Oh come ON! He didn’t even lift him up with the tripod leg? I call shenanigans.

Jamie: Death 4 – cameraman got the business end of a tripod.

Shiri: Dude should have been dangling and pinned to the wall.

Jamie: Tyra has whipped cream on her nose. What is this shit?

Shiri: Tyra is eating whipped cream. What is this shit?

Jamie: Who lives across the street from that house and hasn’t demanded it be torn down? The rest of the street looks like a suburban utopia.

Shiri: Tommy’s family. That thing has got to be killing property values. Except apparently, no one ever leaves Haddonfield and people keep moving IN despite the massacres. That house is in better shape than it was in II.

Jamie: Oh god, this has turned into a shaky cam found footage movie. I’m gonna barf.

Shiri: Skeevy Sebastian Stan? Katee Sackhoff has too many teeth.

Jamie: She’s like a Rob Liefield drawing.

Shiri: Needs more pockets. See, Michael has been keeping the spices fresh. Fastidious. I suppose he does need something to season his dog.

Jamie: I read that as “season his dong” and thought we were watching different movies.

Shiri: I mean, are we really, though? Not an OLDE THYME high chair!

Jamie: Cut to random Halloween party with two randos. I still don’t know who they are or why we care. How are these dudes connected to the movie?

Shiri: The John Travolta one is stalking Sarah via telnet.

Jamie: Oh right. Those computers are running ENTIRELY TOO FAST for what is obviously dial-up 2002 speeds.

Shiri: Did computers connect to TVs back then? I feel like not.

Jamie: Lighting a shitton of candles. Check.

Shiri: Sarah already isn’t wearing a bra. How are they going to bone with those giant fanny packs on? Boning in the sister’s room. Check.

Jamie: There’s no boning yet. And this movie better make up for the complete LACK of boobs in H20.

Shiri: There are candles in the sister’s room. I feel like this is the exact same part this dude played in American Pie.

Jamie: Because it is. I think there’s a reason his career never took off.

Shiri: Doesn’t Jen know that if you look in the mirror and brush your hair with a dead girl’s brush three times, Michael Myers comes and stabs you while you’re fucking.

Jamie: Look at you, knowing the character’s names. I legit don’t know any of their names.

Shiri: Just Sarah and Jen. Redhead is Donna.

Jamie: Oh man. This girl just stole my heart with the continual vs continuous definitions.

Shiri: What the effing hell are “critical studies”?

Jamie: If you need to ask. . . They’re all looking for Jen. Which one is Jen again?

Shiri: Katee.

Jamie: The last 30 words spoken in this movie have been “Jen?”

Shiri: Jen is a cunt.

Jamie: BWAHAHAHA. American Pie dude gets gutted mid-hero speech.

Shiri: Wow. There was a very convenient hole in that wall DIRECTLY behind that mirror.

Jamie: Death 5.

Shiri: Didn’t those closet doors get demolished?

Jamie: Interior closet shot. Check. That wasn’t in the Myers house, was it? The end of the original?

Shiri: Oh right. He chased her across the street.

Jamie: Oh yeah. Let’s explore the secret hidden cellar.

Shiri: It’s a giant glory hole. In the floor. In the old Myers place.

Jamie: OK, there’s no way all this crap would still be in the house . . . Oh, I had the same thought at the same time as the character in the movie. I feel stupider now.

Shiri: Maybe you’re just meta. I feel like this was intended to be a sort of spoof, like Scream but it . . . failed. Like, HARD.

Jamie: That is the most ridiculously comical key I’ve ever seen. Boning! Deaths incoming!

Shiri: We are boning in/The glory hole/I also have one. Nips = death.

Jamie: Why is she covering her boobs now? From the decaying skeletons?

Shiri: That skeleton is the most engaging conversationalist thus far. Those eyebrows are destroying me every damn time.

Jamie: It’s the early aughts. Michael’s a metrosexual now. He’s got a look of perpetual interest/surprise. “Oh reallllly? You don’t say!”

Shiri: Uh oh. Busta Rhymes is fucked.

Jamie: Wasn’t Busta JUST drinking with Tyra. Like, in the last scene? How’s he in the house already?

Shiri: The easy-on coverall has been in preparation for this moment the entire time.

Jamie: Michael’s like, “This guy amuses me in his Me Mask. I will let him live for a while longer.”

Shiri: Donna didn’t put her bra back on. She’s still on the altar.

Jamie: We got more nips while she put her shirt on. She’s so dead. I LOVE that Michael has a teddy bear.

Shiri: Hey, there are miles of ancient Egyptian tunnels under the old Myers place too. I’m glad we brought that back. Ooooh. The fresh fennel was for his rats. OH MY GOD. THE RAT IS FULL OF BEES.

Jamie: The shaky cam found footage nonsense is making me nauseous.

Shiri: THAT WAS A VERY CONVENIENT SPIKE.

Jamie: Death 7. Because she freed the nips.

Shiri: Never free the nips, girls.

Jamie: I mean, why even carry a big ass knife when you’re just going to use spikes you find hanging around? Who brought the bong?

Shiri: Jen. Jen is a bong name.

Jamie: Busta dresses up like Michael Myers in the Myers house and then gets incredulous when they hit him?

Shiri: Robust Back End is the name of my electronic polka garage band.

Jamie: Question: Where did Busta get the mask? Are they still making masks of the real-life serial killer?

Shiri: The sell them in the cheesy Haddonfield tourist shops.

Jamie: I don’t understand. These kids are walking out of the house in protest now that they know it’s all fake? Like, what did they sign up for? What did they think this was? Haha, oh no! Starbuck gets decapitated! Death 8.

Shiri: The visual sploosh was not commensurate with the audio sploosh. I am disapoint.

Jamie: Here we go.

Shiri: FINALLY! A dangling murder.

Jamie: Lifting the rebel bad boy up by the head and squeezing his skull until it pops. THAT’S the Michael Myers we know and love. Death 9. They’re coming fast and furious now.

Shiri: He’s sauntering again.

Jamie: I mean, now he’s just showing off. He intentionally put the knife down so he could demonstrate his mad killin’ skills. Another lift-up slice-through to the wall. Death 10.

Shiri: I hope he goes to that party next because giant blonde hair girl needs to die. I feel like messenger to text is something you needed a smartphone for?

Jamie: There was no Internet that worked like this in 2002.

Shiri: You had ONE job, Sarah. It was “don’t scream.” ONE JOB.

Jamie: “Try the window.” I’m so glad we had the dude on the other end of town tell her that. Because clearly she wasn’t going to think of it.

Shiri: Yes! We’re rappelling down the side of the house again. I feel like this is the same thing that happened to Rachel? Minus the improbable internet. That was a very fancy font for a flip phone.

Jamie: Haha, no. The telnet texting has BOLD now, too? This 2002 Internet is the most unbelievable thing in this movie. The audience then was probably like, “Ooh. This is the FUTURE! Look how fast we’ll be able to communicate! With bold font!”

Shiri: Maybe they were trying to go legit sci-fi?

Jamie: Oh, now you made Busta angry.

Shiri: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T CALL ME BEFORE YOU GOT DRESSED! THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING, WE’RE BOTH WEARING 30-YEAR-OLD GARAGE COVERALLS.”

Jamie: Who wore it better?

Shiri: Is he actually dead if he DOESN’T hit the ground?

Jamie: Michael giving the confused puppy look at Busta Rhymes doing kung fu moves is all I ever wanted.

Shiri: THAT’S WHAT THE EYEBROWS WERE FOR! OF COURSE he’s still alive.

Jamie: The messages on her phone type in real time. There’s NO WAY that was a thing in 2002.

Shiri: People should do better research before they use murder houses for TV shows.

Jamie: Oh, Busta. Death 11. Kind of a sad death, if you ask me.

Shiri: Agree. He could have been a contender.

Jamie: Is this girl the only one left now? I still don’t know her name.

Shiri: Yep. The only one. Who just went down into the basement. Sarah.

Jamie: She must be a Strode.

Shiri: A Strode or a Myers?

Jamie: Maybe she’s Rey’s mom!!!

Shiri: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Jamie: HAHA! Another blood slip concussion!

Shiri: Homage du Ripley.

Jamie: This time in Tyra’s blood! Death 12.

Shiri: Oh Tyra. At least you died with your shirt on. I’ll pee myself if Michael slips in the blood.

Jamie: Did you get it, though? She was hanging from the ceiling. She’s really wanted to….ahem (pushes up glasses)….be on top.

Shiri: Ash?

Jamie: Where did the chainsaw come from?

Shiri: She borrowed it from Evil Dead 6.

Jamie: Also, I call shenanigans on that. Even if she found a chainsaw, there’s NO WAY she’d get it working without anyone hearing her. Those things are a pain in the ass to get running from a cold start.

Shiri: Did she . . . did she just THROW the chainsaw at him? AHAHAHAHAHAH! He totes fell in the blood!

Jamie: Tyra’s blood is slippery. At least it somewhat resembled real blood.

Shiri: I don’t think he’s standing close enough to actually stab her.

Jamie: BUSTA WITH THE WELL-TIMED ONE LINER!

Shiri: What is HAPPENING?

Jamie: Trick or treat, motherfucker!! I feel like that line would’ve been delivered better by LL Cool J in H20, though. Did . . . did Michael just get a testicle electrocution?

Shiri: I am literally LOL-ing. I am laughing so hard it hurts.

Jamie: It certainly took the cops long enough to get there. Nice to see Haddonfield PD is still up to snuff.

Shiri: Well. That place burnt down to the studs fast. Apparently, evil is very flammable. I’m glad we’ve also been consistent with no one calling the parents.

Jamie: This dude at the party with the super advanced telnet is getting all the bro props.

Shiri: Jesus. No wonder this town breeds serial killers.

Jamie: “Just wait till she meets me. And gets a load of these GLORIOUS sideburns.”

Shiri: Can you, in fact, get “kicks off”? I’m not sure how that would work anatomically. Well, that ambulance crew is boned. Money on the mask having melted to his face? THEY ARE ONE NOW.

Jamie: I feel like the writers on this movie just put in every one-liner they could think of for Busta.

Shiri: Chicken Fried Motherfucker is the name of my trance banjo quartet.

Jamie: Now I really want trance banjo to be a real thing.

Shiri: If you were that coroner, would you let them leave you alone with that body?

Jamie: Lord have mercy.

Shiri:  At least this one had the courtesy to be so bad it was hilarious.

Jamie: But . . . it still took itself seriously. It wasn’t smart enough to know it was stupid. That’s the beauty of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. None of them take themselves seriously.

Shiri: Oh. Huh. Sara Myer. Wait. If she was Sarah Myer, was Laurie her mom? Jesus, this is confusing. Are they all dead or not?

Jamie: Her name was Sarah Myer in the credits?

Shiri: Yes.

Jamie: But that’s not even his name. It’s Myers.

Shiri: I know but . . . Why would they make it that close?

Jamie: For the record? Katee Sackhoff’s name is spelled differently in the beginning and end credits. It’s Sachoff up front and Sackhoff at the end. Was everyone on this movie phoning it in? How could you misspell one of your main actors’ names in the opening goddamn credits?

Shiri: See, she probably was supposed to be Myers and there’s a typo in the credits. Of the franchise character’s last name.

[Ed: It’s actually Moyer, but does it really matter?]

Jamie: I’m with you now. Credits guy was drunk. So here’s the big question: The Curse of Michael Myers versus Resurrection. Which one is worse? I feel like Paul Rudd redeems Curse to be marginally tolerable.

Shiri: Agreed. Also the baby was kind of cute.

Jamie: Mmmmm……ok? I have nothing more to say about this movie. I’m glad it’s over.