We’re getting down to the (mostly) big guns as we enter into the Sweet 16 of our insanely lofty imaginary robot battle we dubbed “Robot Madness.” The bot battles saw some Cinderella dreams die and favorites fall away, but several serious contenders remain standing. Take a peek at who advances to our Elite 8:

East Bracket

  1. Sentinel (1) vs. Iron Giant (4)*
    ‪Size-wise, they’re equally matched, but brains and heart outweighs brawn when it comes to this battle of titans. The Iron Giant narrowly escapes the Sentinel’s blasts, but comes out ahead.‬
  2. Bumblebee (3)* vs. R2-D2/C-3PO (10)
    While all the robots in this matchup think on their feet, Bumblebee’s agility and hand-to-hand fighting capabilities finally put an end to the Star Wars droid’s unlikely climb up the brackets. Fortunately, Chewbacca’s there to pick up the pieces (again).

West Bracket

  1. Vision (1)* vs. Bishop (13)
    With their dry sensibilities, it’s almost harder to predict who would succeed on a first date. Fortunately, we’re dealing with a fight to the finish, and Vision’s powers, intellect, and battle-proven combat skills, Bishop is left in an oozing pile of milky fluid.
  2. Klaatu (6) vs. T-100 (2)*
    Liquid metal evades a rigid Klaatu’s blasts easily and shoves a single blade through the alien robot’s head to continue onward in its search of John Connor.

North Bracket

  1. Voltron (1) vs. Data (5)*
    We have the hearts of lions but can’t deny the mental and tactical prowess of Dr. Soong’s son. It might pain him to take down the cats if his empathy chip is functional but Data defeats Voltron.
  2. Animatronic Abe Lincoln (3) vs. Cylon (Toaster) (2)*
    Eloquence and leadership can get you far in life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take you far enough when dealing with a cylon. Back to the Hall of Presidents for our former commander-in-chief and onward toward potential domination for the Battlestar Galactica robot.

South Bracket

  1. Mega Man (1)* vs. Maeve (5)
    Look, Mega Man has defeated defeated droves of robot masters including dudes like Fire Man, Ice Man, and Elec Man. Maeve may be smart, but with her distracted focus on finding her daughter, Mega Man continues to blast through the competition.
  2. Mark Zuckerberg (11) vs. Aida (2)*
    Once again I find myself writing about Aida, a robot I know essentially nothing about. However, I know about Mark Zuckerberg. I know how much he sucks, and how much a drain on society Facebook has become (plus, his penchant for smoking meats). The robotic Zuckerberg may have stumbled into accidental internet dominance, but he’s not making in further in our robot bracket as long as I’m writing this crap. Sorry, Zuck.

Who will win? Stay tuned as we prolong this madness for yet another round soon. The end is near!

Preston Burt
Preston is a writer and graphic designer. He lives outside Atlanta, GA with his awesome wife and two amazing daughters (10 and 14). The host of the Wayback Attack Podcast, he has an affinity for VHS tapes and an obsession with arcade games and pinball machines. He has written for Paste and RETRO Magazines and is a founder of the Southern-Fried Gaming Expo.

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