Forget Sharknado or Lavalantula, there’s a new movie on the horizon competing for the title of “schlock champion”: The Velocipastor. Yes, The Velocipastor is a very real movie about a priest who turns into a dinosaur and kills bad guys. Wild Eye Releasing just shared the trailer to press outlets and there is just no way I could sleep at night without sharing it with you, dear reader.

With ninjas, seminude hand-to-hand combat, and cheesy sound effects, The Velocipastor goes for the jugular to hook its target audience (me) right off the bat. Unlike those SyFy movies like Sharknado, which just go for a ridiculous concept and lean into it, The Velocipastor seems to also capture the perfect aesthetic of those so-bad-they’re-good ’80s movies that actually tried to make a good movie. It’s hard to explain, but from the trailer alone it looks like I’m watching an authentic spiritual successor to Hard Ticket to Hawaii or Miami Connection.

In case you needed more than the trailer to get you on board, here’s the official synopsis:

After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil – and ninjas.
Gregory James Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski, Daniel Steere, Yang Jiechang, Jesse Turits, Fernando Pacheco de Castro star with Aurelio Voltaire in the Wild Eye Releasing title.

The movie will have a home entertainment release in August, but you can enjoy a special midnight screening/Q&A at the Texas Frightmare Weekend on May 3, 2019 if you can’t wait until then.