There’s something amazing about huge, unwieldy movie franchises. I’m talking about series that go north of five or six installments. They have staying power, even though practically no one cares about “canon,” story continuity, or logic. (I mean, Star Wars and maybe Star Trek are clear exceptions to that, but let’s set them aside for now.)

Many of these franchises are found in horror – Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Alien, Predator, Saw – but they certainly exist in other genres as well. Planet of the Apes, James Bond, Rocky, Batman, Mission: Impossible, The Terminator . . . the list goes on and on.

Each of them has a certain something that helps it stand out and sustain so many films over so many years. It might a down-on-his-luck boxer with a heart of gold. It might be a wisecracking serial killer who haunts your dreams. It might be a killer robot turned savior turned governor.

Whatever it is, it worked. And the movie made money. And what works once is guaranteed to work seven or eight times, right? Well, maybe not, but that’s a standard Hollywood maxim in any case.

Nevertheless, I love ’em. And I love making my way through them in their entirety. I’m a diehard Planet of the Apes fan (even the truly awful installments), and I’m currently making my way through the entire Star Trek canon (in season 5 of Deep Space Nine).

So, as it’s October, it makes sense to go back and take a look at the ridiculously strong Halloween franchise. How strong? Well, it’s survived 11 movies, 40 years, 5 reboots/separate timelines, and more “dead” Michael Myerseses than you can count.

Plus, this is a true pop culture blind spot for me. I’ve only ever seen the original, John Carpenter classic. So, over the next few weeks, I’ll be joined by Shiri Sondheimer (who has never seen ANY of them) to watch all 11 films in the franchise. We watch together and comment on the film in a private Slack channel.

What follows is a lightly edited transcript of our conversation while watching the original Halloween from 1978.

Jamie: You’ve never seen this before, right? This is the only one I’ve seen.

Shiri: Now that I’m thinking about it, I remember Jamie Lee Curtis on a train, but I have no idea which one that is.

Jamie: This music is so iconic even my kids know it. The title on screen is John Carpenter’s Halloween. How come we don’t have movies with the director’s name over it anymore?

Shiri: I mean . . .  John Carpenter’s movie’s still do.

Jamie: What’s up with the knife slice between the nose and mouth on the pumpkin?

Shiri: That was irking my shit. I think it’s supposed to look like a cleaver.

Jamie: Shitty jack-o-lantern carver.

Shiri: Chanting children are always the scariest part of any horror movie. It means there are a lot of them.

Jamie: Haddonfield always drives me nuts because there was a Haddonfield the next town over from where I grew up in New Jersey. I mean, there still is. It didn’t disappear or anything.

Shiri: I feel like leg warmers are a little too 80s for the 60s.

Jamie: I remember this opening as a young’un. These were among my first movie boobs.

Shiri: I take it back. Her having sex with a guy whose hair looks like Flash Gordon’s is clearly the scariest part of the movie.

Jamie: The music is so minimal. It’ll be interesting to see how that carries through the franchise.

Shiri: It’s kind of like the music in Psycho that way

Jamie: They don’t waste any time in this movie. haha. Teenagers are quick. That was like a 5-second job.

Shiri: Wow, that was fast. Not that I’m surprised. That is a REALLY TALL six year old, by the way.

Jamie: Here we go. I feel like her screaming isn’t authentic for getting stabbed so many times. “Oh no, please. oh. oh. no.” Aaaaand . . . Death 1.

Shiri: Look, if you sit there naked, brushing your hair with the door open, some shit is going to go down.

Jamie: Also, those are some blatantly fake boobs for 1963. She fell to the ground and they didn’t move. Not even an inch to the side.

Shiri: Oh look, a bloody knife. Let’s stand here. Silently. And not investigate. At all.

Jamie: Clearly there’s nothing wrong inside the house. These are the world’s worst parents. I love how ALL doctors and nurses smoke in old movies.

Shiri: In fairness, that’s probably accurate. I know a lot of nurses who STILL smoke.
It drives me fucking crazy.

Jamie: Did she just light an already lit cigarette?

Shiri: Besides, she needs something to go with her cape and really, what else would you choose?

Jamie: More nurses should wear capes. More everyone should wear capes.

Shiri: Truth. Lando is a trend-setter.

Jamie: I feel like he might’ve copied this nurse.

Shiri: I’m glad we don’t have to wear hats anymore.

Jamie: This nurse is so done with his shit. First totally stupid person in the franchise, right there.

Shiri: One of the first things they teach pysch nurses is never, ever, ever let anyone grab your hair.

Jamie: That seems logical. Nurse 101: Don’t let them grab your hair or steal your car.

Shiri: When I worked at the jail, we locked up our keys.

Jamie: Was that supposed to be Michael on the roof who stole the car?

Shiri: I mean, if he’s “the evil.”

Jamie: Finally! Jamie Lee Curtis!! Could she be dressed any more conservatively?

Shiri: I think this was her first movie.

Jamie: I can’t see her as anything but her older self, so I have a very hard time buying her as a teenager.

Shiri: The white tights are killing me. Is that Darth Vader?

Jamie: I mean, he’s wearing the mask inside the house? Oh, he’s outside now.

Shiri: Except you could see his eyebrows from the back.

Jamie: Nobody noticed the hulking beast on the sidewalk in Suburban Utopia?

Shiri: Okay, I looked it up. She was 20 when they made this.

Jamie: Every classroom scene in every movie looks exactly the same.

Shiri: I miss encyclopedias.

Jamie: That dude wouldn’t be standing there for 10 minutes in 2018. Outside a school, wearing a mask? Staring in the windows?

Shiri: Nah, someone would shoot him way before that.

Jamie: Ah, Halloween costumes at school. How quaint.

Shiri: Our kids wear them but no accessories, masks, or hoods. So . . . really just clothes.

Jamie: The janitor is going to be pissed to find a rotten pumpkin on school property. He just left it there. Hey! The back car window is no longer smashed. Continuity error! (I’m sure it won’t be the first.)

Shiri: Also . . . outdoor pass-throughs in Illinois? That school is clearly in California.

Jamie: An escaped mental patient is on the loose. Why is no one even bothering to LISTEN to the doctor?

Jamie: Death 2. Poor mechanic dude in the hay. OMG, Jamie Lee Curtis is the original Barb! Every inch of skin is covered.

Shiri: I hope the cheerleader bites it. LOL. I think the vinyl warped on the soundtrack.

Jamie: Speed kills . . . the soundtrack, apparently.

Shiri: Yellow vest also needs to die. I think she’s supposed to be the sassy friend, but she’s just irritating.

Jamie: Also, this doesn’t look like the end of October in Illinois. So. Much. Green.

Shiri: Their lockers were outside. That’s like, a California and Southwest thing. Not Illinois.

Jamie: She’s been seeing this creepy dude in a mask all day. Why does she not run the other way screaming? She’s acting like this is just a minor inconvenience.

Shiri: Is that Jennifer Grey?

Jamie: Same haircut.

Shiri: Same nose.

Jamie: Nobody cuts Baby with a butcher knife.

Shiri: Small-town sherriff. Is he supposed to be nice? Because he looks like a child molester.

Jamie: Wait. Now everything is wet. It wasn’t raining!

Shiri: HE is LITERALLY stalking her.

Jamie: Wow, those trick or treaters got an early start. High schoolers get home around 2:30. Why aren’t those little ones still in school?

Shiri: Man, chewing calls are the worst.

Jamie: Sounds like the person is chewing carrots.

Shiri: No. DO NOT CALM DOWN. There is a creepy dude stalking you.

Jamie: Why are ALL the windows and doors not closed and locked at this point? Nobody fucking locks doors in this town.

Shiri: I think they’re just blowing leaves at her with a fan.

Jamie: Like, not a single tree has anything but green. Oops. Missing grave. That sucks.
Gee, a mask, rope, and knives were stolen. That doesn’t seem suspicious at all.

Shiri: Brunette is the WORST friend ever. Wow, it got dark FAST. Also, Illinois in late October . . . not broad daylight at 1830.

Jamie: He couldn’t be in a more conspicuous car, but no one noticed him following them for . . . like an hour, I guess? People in this town are oblivious.

Shiri: He is the world’s worst lurker.

Jamie: I’m going to stand behind this teeny birch tree.

Shiri: And breathe VERY loudly.

Jamie: I mean, it’s working for him, though. Wait, hold up. He ate a fucking dog?

Shiri: She was sitting right here . . . naked . . . so naked . . . Why does the psychiatrist have a gun?

Jamie: I don’t know, but he’s a lousy draw.

Shiri: Also, that vein on his forehead is going to blow any second.

Jamie: “Purely and simply evil.” I like a villain with a deep backstory.

Shiri: READING COMICS! This kid is clearly going to the dark side next. The devil waits for kids to read Laserman. It’s the gateway comic.

Jamie: Laserman, Tarantula Man, Boogeyman . . .

Shiri: Wow, those khakis she’s wearing have some serious camel toe.

Jamie: Brunette is going to bite it, I think.

Shiri: Llike, that can’t be comfortable. I would NOT want to die with camel toe like that. The clothes you die in are your ghost clothes. She’s going to have camel toe for ALL ETERNITY.

Jamie: Would it be ghost toe then? See? THIS kid gets it. Man in a mask staring at you? FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!

Shiri: WHO STRIPS IN FRONT OF GLASS DOORS WHEN THEY’RE BABYSITTING??

Jamie: Such a horror movie trope. She fucking strips down in the kitchen while babysitting.

Shiri: The dog is smarter than the people.

Jamie: No bra and camel toe. She’s going to The Bad Place.

Shiri: Now her ghost clothes are are going to be ugly granny panties and a creepy dad shirt.

Jamie: Nice shoutout to The Thing on TV.

Shiri: Did . . . did John Carpenter just nod to HIMSELF?

Jamie: Absolutely.

Shiri: That’s fucking rad.

Jamie: Wouldn’t you?

Shiri: Absolutely.

Jamie: Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasance are the only people in this movie who have ever taken an acting class, I think.

Shiri: Wow. granny panties, yellow knee socks, and a creepy dad shirt. WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH NO PANTS??

Jamie: This brunette babysitter is THE WORST!

Shiri: WHO DOES THAT? Is their washer in the pool house?

Jamie: Putting the washer and dryer in a detached garage seems like a lot of unnecessary plumbing. And that’s a LOT of fucking Tide.

Shiri: Wow, Clorox 2. This must be the rich part of the neighborhood. Why is there a fridge in there?

Jamie: How is she one of the popular girls?

Shiri: She probably puts out.

Jamie: Fair point. Paul knows what’s up. Like, close the fucking door. I think Michael Myers is David Copperfield. He appears and disappears like a puff of smoke.

Shiri: Are they going to bone while she’s BABYSITTING? Like, with the kid AWAKE and watching TV?

Jamie: THE TV IS LITERALLY TELLING HER TO LOCK THE DOORS AND BOLT THE WINDOWS!

Shiri: That is some meta shit right there.

Jamie: Is she going to pick up Paul with no bra or pants?

Shiri: I feel like maybe that blanket would have been a better skirt?

Jamie: She’s just wandering around the neighborhood naked.

Shiri: I don’t think she had a bra on anyway.

Jamie: But this shirt is half unbuttoned. Those kids are getting the whole show. Meanwhile, Jamie Lee Curtis is dressed like a grandmother.

Shiri: I’m still confounded by this property layout. Also, also you wouldn’t have a detached laundry room in Illinois because HTF would you do laundry in January?

Jamie: I feel like Michael should be muttering, “Put on some goddamn pants.” Slooooooooow death scene. But, Death 3.

Shiri: That was a totally appropriate death face for her though.

Jamie: Dude, Michael Myers gives zero fucks about getting caught. Laurie has been seeing the boogeyman all day. Why is she so adamant NOW that the kid isn’t seeing anything outside?

Shiri: I’m glad the psychiatrist cares so much about the welfare of those children.

Jamie: He’s observing them . . . for science. Ahh, there’s the line. “Death has come to your little town, sheriff. You can either ignore it or help me try to stop it.”

Shiri: WHY ARE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE BONING IN FRONT OF CHILDREN?

Jamie: This is like the pervy babysitter fantasy movie.

Shiri: Aw. How sweet. He opened the door for her BEFORE he fucked her and her friend at the same time. Adventures in babysitting INDEED.

Jamie: They should just call this movie Zero Fucks Given.

Shiri: How long is The Thing? Jesus.

Jamie: Did they already finish bonking? On the neighbor’s couch? While fully clothed?

Shiri: Point of continuity: John Carpenter’s The Thing didn’t come out until 1982.

Jamie: Interesting. Are they doing it in the neighbors’ bed? Like, they’re just random parents.

Shiri: I’m cheering for the murders at this point. They are all horrible people.

Jamie: Also: who keeps a lit jack-o-lantern next to their bed? Whoa, that dude lasted about 2 microseconds!!

Shiri: There’s no way that was “fantastic.”

Jamie:  SURPRISE! Oof, that is one strong knife. It’s not even in the wood very far. I like that Bob gets the loooong contemplative stare while he’s hanging on the wall. Oh man, I feel like there should be a Funko Pop of Michael Myers wearing a sheet and Bob’s glasses.

Shiri: Hard agree. Oh my god, please kill her. It’s taking her too LONG to black out. Ten seconds if someone has both of your carotids.

Jamie: So tell me this – Michael stole that mask from the hardware store. #1 – Why did a hardware store have a mask? #2 – What the fuck is it a mask OF?

Shiri: Right? Like, it’s not a dust mask or anything. It’s like . . . badly assembled paper maché.

Jamie: Oh, I forgot. Bob was Death 4. Seriously? Psychiatrist has been standing in that spot for at least an hour and he JUST NOTICED the car parked across the street?

Shiri: He . . . he just noticed the car? He’s been standing there ALL night. Her shirt is unbuttoned. She’s in so much trouble. Is she leaving the two kids alone in the house?

Jamie: I just saw a boom mic drop into frame.

Shiri: Seriously, what is wrong with every single one of these people?

Jamie: As the movie goes on, Laurie gets less and less matronly.

Shiri: Definitely no social commentary there.

Jamie: Do you know ANY teenagers named Bob and Linda today? Makes sense. Those kids would’ve grown up to be our parents. Except they’re dead.

Shiri: I know a couple Lindas

Jamie: Is there something wrong with the electricity? Why does she not turn on any lights?

Shiri: I mean, if you knew Annie and Paul and Bob and Linda were boning, would YOU?

Jamie: Hells yeah, I would. He hung Bob up on the wall. There should be a lake of blood there.

Shiri: Look, it’s very rude to leave a messy crime scene. He’s a very polite murderer.

Jamie: Clearly. Oh, Linda was Death 5. I can’t keep up with how little I care about these people.

Shiri: Is there a standard number of deaths? I’ve traditionally been more of a space horror girl.

Jamie: Nah. I just know there were four in the first movie. Not counting his sister.

Shiri:  Do we need a spreadsheet to track death totals?

Jamie: It’s Halloween night. Why did all the parents go out and leave their kids with a babysitter? Those kids were trick or treating age.

Shiri: Because the parents in this town are clearly very responsible.

Jamie: The Haddonfield Parents vs Elm Street parents. Which are worse?

Shiri: I actually haven’t seen any of the Elm Street movies.

Jamie: I think it’s Elm Street in a landslide. Next franchise binge right there! Oh, by the way, we’re talking over the climax here.

Shiri: Listen. The only death in a movie that has ever really grossed me out is when the guy in Robocop got dropped in acid and then the car drove through him. . . . How could her keys POSSIBLY fall out of a pocket that tight?

Jamie: There is going to be SUCH a run on locks in this town tomorrow. OH! TAKEN DOWN BY A KNITTING NEEDLE!

Shiri: Why do you think I really started knitting again? I like how the knife that suspended a man from a cabinet door merely scratched her.

Jamie: And is hardly bloody

Shiri: Girlfriend. Always. Doubletap. ALWAYS!

Jamie: No. Just lie on the couch, drop the knife, and stop worrying about the children upstairs. The closet. Really?

Shiri: DOUBLETAP!! Why would you go somewhere you can’t get out of? Pfffft. We had those closet doors. They come off the track if you breathe on them wrong.

Jamie: A knitting needle and a wire hangar. Michael Myers is a wuss. STAB HIM AGAIN!

Shiri: AHAHAHAHA. Really? We’re supposed to believe she actually got him in the eye with the hangar? Through the hole? WHY DID SHE THROW THE KNIFE AWAY? HAS SHE LEARNED NOTHING FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO? WITH HER BACK TO THE ROOM??

Jamie: Psychiatrist still has no cares for small children in distress.

Shiri: In fairness, this is a movie that established a lot of the tropes

Jamie: Fair point.

Shiri: I’m sure it was scary AF in 1978.

Jamie: After being totally useless all movie, Loomis finally redeems himself.

Shiri: People were terrified of Night of the Living Dead because no one had really made a zombie movie before. I AM SHOCKED. SHOCKED, I SAY.

Jamie: Missing body? Who saw that coming?

Shiri: Wait. How is the knife still downstairs?

Jamie: My wife, who is not a horror fan, made it through the whole thing. Her judgment: “This is NOT a good movie.”

Shiri: AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I sort of thought that was the point.

Jamie: I told her it was a classic. I think she was expecting something . . . else.

Shiri: Well, at least she wasn’t terrified.

Jamie: A few jump scares but mostly she was editorializing along with us. But . . . this is still the best of the franchise. It’s all downhill from here.

Shiri: OMHFG, I can’t wait. Also, apparently this is not the one I saw because Linda was never on a train.

Jamie: Laurie.

Shiri: Meh. Linda, Laurie.

Jamie: Linda was dead in the cupboard with her boobs hanging out. Or was that Lindsey? AND WHY ARE THEY ALL FUCKING L NAMES??

Shiri: *snort

Jamie: What is this, Superman?