Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I wrote a column called “Gather ‘Round, Padawans.” Its intent was to show the myriad ways in which comics and graphic novels teach both children and adults emotional and social intelligence.

Well, we’re getting the band back together.

And by “we,” I mean me. And by “the band,” I also mean me.

Our first featured graphic novel is Diana: Princess of the Amazons, written by Shannon and Dean Hale and illustrated by Victoria Ying (and published by DC Graphic Novels for Young Readers).

The Story

Diana loves Themyscira. She can cliff dive, race cheetahs, and swim with dolphins – all the best kids’ activities. Unfortunately, as the only child on the island, she has to do them by herself. Her mother the Queen, Diana thinks, is too busy to notice the princess unless she’s causing trouble, and the Amazons tell her she’s too young for some things and too old for others… but never when she’s just right.

At least, that’s how Diana sees it.

When Hyppolita asks Diana what’s wrong and why she’s been acting so out of character, Diana finds that she can’t really explain her emotions, even to her mother despite feeling them deeply. Her solution is to craft a friend out of clay, the way her mother crafted her. When harmless fun escalates to problematic behavior, Diana goes along with her new friend, Mona, because it seems Mona is the only other person on Themyscira who truly understands and pays attention to her. When Mona releases the monsters from Tarturus, though, Diana has the opportunity to see how much Hyppolita believes in her, how important she is to her mother, and how much she matters to the world.

The Lesson

Though Diana: Princess of the Amazons is a graphic novel for children, it’s actually their adults who have the most to learn from it.

Many adults believe that because kids can’t articulate their feelings, they don’t feel them. That is patently untrue. The little ones feel everything you do, but their ability to recognize feelings as being attached to specific terms and being able to express that connection in a way adults can understand, is an ability acquired only through experience and role modeling.

Not everyone (regardless of age) expresses emotions the same way for a variety of reasons, and some people are never able to do so with words. The good news is that humans are highly adaptable and there is most often a way to get feelings across. However, finding the right way for you can be a long and arduous process. If I’m basing my examples here on vocal expression, it’s simply because I had to pick something.

Take, for an example, toddlers. Heard of the Terrible Twos? The Threenager? Of course you have. If you’re a parent, you’ve probably experienced the most defining behaviors of these groups: the tantrum. It’s far worse, of course, when they do it in public, even if you’re surrounded by other understanding parents. Regardless, tantrums are loud and frustrating for both child and adult. I remember wanting to tear my hair out in chunks when my daughter would throw herself on the floor and scream.

In the moment, you might wonder, “Why? Did I  do something wrong? Have I scarred this child for life? Why is everything such a big deal?”

You haven’t done anything wrong. You haven’t scarred your child. Odds are, though you may remember these moments in startling detail, they won’t have any recollection. As to why everything is such a big deal, well. That’s the five million dollar question, isn’t it?

The answer (not universally, of course, but in a great many cases) is frustration makes everything a big deal. How much harder is it to smile at your boss when they’ve changed your schedule without asking you again? To make dinner when you’re tired and don’t even really want to eat it but someone needs to feed the children? When all you want is to read your damn book but every five seconds, someone demands, “Mommy! Look at what I did!”

As an adult, you understand that what you feel in these moments is frustration. Having a name for it demystifies the emotion and allows you to counter or modify it with other behaviors.

Your 2- or 3-year-olds, though? They haven’t yet forged the connections between words and feelings. They may not understand that weird feeling in their stomach is “hunger” and that to fix it they simply need to ask for a snack. They can’t articulate that noise and lights are “overwhelming” and that “quiet” will fix it. They don’t realize that when they’re done thinking and playing means they’re “tired.” Equating physical sensations with verbal cues is still a little beyond them.

And don’t forget: making those connections and being able to articulate them in a way other people can understand is an additional skill that must be mastered before said kiddo can say, “I’m tired and ready for bed.” Can you imagine depending on someone else for all your needs and then, when you tell them what they are, they don’t understand you? I’d probably throw myself on the floor and scream too.

When do most kids grow out of it? When they have the ability to connect concepts to a specific word and when their vocabulary is large enough to express those connections and utilize practical solutions. There are emotions, however, that are more layered and nuanced than those included on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – some of which fully alert and aware adults have difficulty with.

Diana is firmly in her tween years in Diana: Princess of the Amazons and lives on an island crowded with people who love her. Her understanding of “loneliness” is the same as her understanding of “alone.” She doesn’t yet understand that the former has a lot of layers and there’s a big difference between “not alone” and “the only child in a community.”

It’s our job, as trusted adults, to help kids navigate this fraught territory in whichever way works best for them. That may be a frank discussion; it may be family therapy. And it may be reading books like Diana: Princess of the Amazons together and asking your kiddo what they got from the book.

Being a parent is hard. Being a kid is hard too. There will always be frustration involved. But understanding the root of your kid’s frustration may help you when fraught situations arise.

Isn’t it a good thing we have books for that?