Lois Lane is good at everything. Well, okay, maybe not great at penetrating secret identities, though there’s always been a little part of me that believes she knew exactly who was under those glasses and she let Clark have it because ever super dudes need an ego boost every so often.

But, like all of us, Lois had to start somewhere and learn along the way, and we all know learning, especially social and emotional learning, can be a bumpy, awkward, and even painful process that throws us for continual loops by changing during different phases of life.

Making friends, for instance, is a simple matter for young children: you like sand, I like sand, we’re in the sand, we’re friends. As we get older, however, and acquire more life experience, more complex feelings, and more baggage, trust becomes more difficult and relationships require a bit more than a joint love of silica.

We make mistakes. Sometimes we can fix them; sometimes we can’t and try to do better when the next opportunity affords itself.

In Grace Ellis and Brittney Williams’s Lois Lane and the Friendship Challenge (coloring by Caitlin Quirk, lettering by Ariana Maher), Lois and her best friend Kristen have reached that point in growing up where they’ve started to grow apart. That doesn’t mean they have to give up their BFF status, but it does mean their relationship is going to have to shift a bit.

The two girls working through those messy, strange, stormy changes provide readers with a fantastic primer – and their adults with a great reminder – of the best sorts of friendships: those that are active, include open communication and mutual support, and have unconditional joy for your person.

There are very few relationships in this world of ours that are truly equal, but even if the give and take is unbalanced, there’s a chasm of difference between “less active” and “entirely passive.” There will be times you need your friend and times your friend needs you, just as there will be times you’ll take more and times you’ll give more. That’s how lives and emotions work.

It’s okay. But neither party should ever be static on the friend front. Even if your world has gone to shit, even if you’re struggling, the person you care about most certainly also has Stuff going on, and even if all you can muster is a “You got this?” text, then they know you’re there and participating.

Lois and Kristen’s friendship suffers when Lois becomes so engrossed in her own world she forgets to check in with how Kristen is feeling about going to sleepaway camp for the first time. It’s okay for Lois to be busy. It’s okay for her to start looking for things to fill the hours and days that will pass while her BFF is off on her adventure. But a good friend still finds the time to say, “Hey, want to go get ice cream?” “Want to ride bikes?” “Want to watch the fireworks?”

A few minutes, even the few seconds it takes to tap out that message, can make all the difference.

Which segues nicely into the importance of communication between friends. Sometimes, those quick chats are enough. Sometimes, it’s gossip over popcorn while you watch a movie. Other times, it’s more. When you’re friends with someone, you know when something is off. And when you get that vaguely unsettled knot in your chest, you need to ask if the thing you suspect is bothering her has something to do with you or not.

The ensuing conversation may mean you stay up too late. It may mean your plans for the evening change. It may mean disappointment or discomfort or even anger. That’s what it means to be a friend sometimes.

When Kristen tries to tell Lois she’s nervous about leaving for the summer, Lois – because she’s uncomfortable with Kristen’s emotions and because she’s uncomfortable with her own – steamrollers her friend. She talks when she should listen, and she walks away when she should take Kristen somewhere and give her undivided attention.

Even if they didn’t solve the problem, and sometimes there is no solution (which also makes people uncomfortable), the willingness to sit with those emotions and have the talk at all – to figure out the most successful way for different communication styles to interact – is often the most important part of the endeavor.

Just as people communicate differently, they have different interests and goals. Best friends may have everything or nothing in common; the important part of being friends is supporting each other in those interests and goals whether they line up or not. Lois and Kristen hit a bump when Lois decides she wants to be a VidMe star and Kristen wants to focus on the bike race. Because they’ve done everything together for so long, they have difficulty visualizing staying best friends while finding their bliss separately, even going so far as to insult each other’s passions.

True friends, though, can and need to spend time apart. They need to spend time with other people and things they love and then come back together and share their enthusiasm. Because if everyone liked the same things, the world would be a very boring place indeed.

My best friend is a fiber and textile nerd; I’m a comic book geek. We overlap some, and where we don’t, we learn from each other. We bring new wonders and joy into each other’s lives. And what a privilege that is.

Over the course of Lois Lane and the Friendship Challenge, Lois and Kristen learn that friendship isn’t always easy, but when you find a true friend, whatever difficulties there are will pale in comparison to what she brings to your life. I didn’t find (and/or reconnect with) my people until I was in my 30s. I hope the girls coming along behind me read this book and have more time with theirs.

Lois Lane and the Friendship Challenge by Grace Ellis and Brittney Williams (DC Graphic Novels for Kids) is set to release on August 11.