I’m not going to wax poetic on the glory days of movie trailers, mostly because they never existed. There have always been:

Trailers that move you to tears

and trailers that move you to nausea.

Trailers that make you count down the minutes until the movie’s release

and trailers that make you want to punch the studios squarely in the larynx.

Trailers that make you think the director has been eavesdropping on your dreams

and trailers that so squarely kick your childhood right in the nuts that you pray to the movie gods for the creators of said trailer to be condemned to editing Rob Schneider movies for eternity.¹

My issue is not that modern trailers are bad. It’s that modern trailers are frequently so laden with spoilers, both in the plot as well as in the action, that the entire experience of the movie is ruined before you even buy your ticket. Movies are created by writers and directors who work together to create an experience for the moviegoer. Trailers are created by producers and advertising executives who are focused on nothing but asses in seats and/or selling toys.

Old-style Movie Trailer Template

Short snippets, hero shots of the lead, and the movie title with the following voice-over: In a world…where [plot], a lone hero is the world’s only hope. This July, [major action star] is [main character name]. From director [director’s name] who brought you [other films] comes the blockbuster event of the summer, [movie name].

Modern-style Movie Trailer Template

Choose the most exciting sequence of the movie, with no regard to whether it spoils the entire movie or even accurately represents the actual plot, cut it to fit in two and a half minutes, overlay Gregorian chants or pop music where necessary, publish to YouTube.

Still, while it may be more egregious than ever before, trailers ruining movies is not exactly a new phenomenon. Remember the trailer for Free Willy where they showed the little kid, well, freeing Willy? Or Ender’s Game where the final scene of the trailer was the shocking climax of the book? So what was my impetus for finally giving them up altogether?

Thor: Ragnarok ²

If you don’t know why this movie’s trailer ruined me forever, picture this scenario. You go to the theater, and for nearly an hour, you enjoy what is in my opinion one of the best-written MCU movies (if not the best). You get witty Thor / Loki banter, a heartfelt father-and-sons reunion with Odin, a hilarious encounter with Dr. Strange, a Matt Damon cameo, and Jeff Goldblum being Jeff Goldblum like only Jeff Goldblum can. Everyone keeps talking about this champion that Thor has to face. How he’s so amazing even Loki, who knows full well the might of Thor, has bet against his own brother. Everyone is convinced Thor is destined to be the new Doug.

Finally, the moment comes. Thor stands in the arena, sporting his stylish new Stan Lee haircut, and the crowd loses its shit. The entire arena slowly rises to make room for the giant-sized door required to allow entry for this unknown champion. And then, before the door can even open, out smashes…HULK! Oh my holy jeez, it’s Hulk! We’re going to get the Hulk / Thor battle comic fans have been wanting for years! The entire theater erupts in joyous applause! Women faint and strong men weep.

That’s what should have happened. Instead, one of the most climactic scenes in ten years of MCU movies and the best the mega-fans in the theater could come up with was a lighthearted chuckle at the “know him from work” line.

I felt robbed. Cheated of the joy that should have been. Like a kid who goes with his mom to Sears in July to put his own Huffy on layaway for Christmas. It was at that moment, as I pondered the resounding “meh” from the audience, that I made the decision to never watch another trailer.

The result? While I only have one sample to pull from — Black Panther — I truly felt like the movie was more magical, more immersive than it would have been otherwise. I missed The Last Jedi in theaters, but I plan to watch it soon on demand, and I’m hoping the massive effort required to avoid not only trailers but even casual mentions of plot lines will pay off as well. The real test, though, will come in April. Can I go another month without a single Infinity War spoiler? So far, not only have I not watched any trailers, I’ve managed to dodge news, social media posts, friendly conversations, and even movie posters. Only a single image, a close-up of Thanos, has managed to penetrate my defenses (thanks a lot, Twitter).

Will all this effort pay off in a more enjoyable experience? There’s really no way to know for sure. Perhaps once I’ve seen it, I’ll go back and watch the trailers and report on what it was like to experience that one moment that everyone is talking about today but for the first time in the actual context of the movie. Regardless of the lack of a measurable conclusion to this experiment, I feel like this is going to be an incredible experience. And really, isn’t that the whole point of going to the movies?

¹ In this movie’s defense, only the trailer was misrepresentational garbage. The movie was actually pretty loyal to the book.

² Yes, I realize my lead-in image spoiled this declaration. It was kind of the point.

Warning: As sure as there is beer in Asgard, there are trolls on the internet who love nothing more than ruining someone else’s good time. Read all comments with care.