The results for round two of our insanely lofty imaginary robot battle we dubbed “Robot Madness” are in. Some of you will be happy, some will be sad, and most of you wont’ care—but we did it anyway! Here’s the “nuts and bolts” (insert audible groan) of the results:

East Bracket

1. Sentinel (1)* vs Johnny Five (8)
   ‪While the sentinel was on patrol for mutants it picked up a strange reading that kept murmuring that it’s “alive”. When the sentinel used its electrified cabling, to secure the strange bot, it seemed to short circuit and cease to “live”.‬
2. Fembots (5) vs. Iron Giant (4)*
   It doesn’t matter how many bullets you spray from your boob guns when you’re dealing with an Iron Giant. The gentle giant casually swats away the fembots like gnats and he continues on his way up the brackets.
3. V.I.N.cent (6) vs Bumblebee (3)*
   V.I.N.cent may be able to navigate a Black Hole, but the battle-hardened Bumblebee survived a war on Cybertron and makes quick work of the tiny bot with his laser canons before driving off into the sunset.
4. R2-D2/C-3PO (10)* vs. Mechagodzilla (2)
   Mechagodzilla is bigger, meaner, and more powerful than two droids from a galaxy far, far away. However, brains outwits brawn in this fight as C-3PO is able to use one of his 6-million forms of communication to bring Mechagodzilla out of his fit of rage and convince him to sit this one out. (Also, R2 already took control of a Starship and was ready to hyperdrive through him if necessary)

West Bracket

1. Vision (1)* vs. Baymax (9)
   Vision was satisfied with his victory.
2. The Fix-its (12) vs. Bishop (13)*
   The Fix-its are far too trusting, and learned the hard way that Bishop doesn’t always have their best interest in mind as he advances to the next round.
3. Klaatu (6)* vs. Killbot (3)
   In the battle of robots with lasers, Klaatu disentegrates the glorified mall cop.
4. Sonny (7) vs. T-100 (2)*
   The leader of a robot uprising will decidedly NOT be back after taking on the liquid metal-morpthing T-1000 and losing. Sorry, Sonny.

North Bracket

1. Voltron (1)* vs. Astro Boy (8)
   I mean, c’mon. It’s Voltron, y’all. A giant robot composed of other robots which are lions. Sorry, Astro Boy.
2. Data (5)* vs. Cy-Kill (4)
   An evil, transforming motorcycle would concern most people, but an android who pilots starships, battles the Borg, and has access to advanced weaponry shows no emotion as he turns Cy-Kill from a Go-Bot into a No-Bot.
3. The Robot (6) vs. Animatronic Abe Lincoln (3)*
   The entire Confederacy couldn’t beat Lincoln. What chance did an alien killing machine have?
4. K-9 (7) vs. Cylon (Toaster) (2)*
   Alas, the Doctor’s loyal friend was too good of a boy to savage the toasters. The Cylons advance.

South Bracket

1. Mega Man (1)* vs. Clank (8)
   Both have headlined their own games, but it all comes down to experience in battle and Mega Man blasts away the competition in that regard.
2. Maeve (5)* vs. Isaac (4)
   I guess ingenuity and the power of seduction work just as well on a robot as they do on men. The ruthless, self-aware Maeve outsmarts Isaac to advance.
3. Mark Zuckerberg (11)* vs. Pain Bot (3)
   When you consider the number of innocent lives this soulless abomination emotionlessly destroyed, is the winner a surprise to anyone? Congrats, Zuckerbot.
4. Twiki (10) vs. Aida (2)*
   Hi, it’s me. The guy writing this nonsense piece. I don’t really know anything about these robots, and all the other writers who do are on spring break, so Aida advances simply because of the higher seeding. Meh.

Stay tuned as we prolong this madness for yet another round tomorrow. Be on the lookout for updated brackets, and feel free to let us know your thoughts on the bracket winners!